Full length mirror

I started this post originally more so of a semi rant about fashion and ill fitting clothes. Half way through something just didn't sit right and so that got erased.

I take public transportation quite often and seem probably hundreds if not thousands of people each week. You can tell they are from all backgrounds, walks of life, and whatever other label you want to use. One thing that keeps me pausing more and more is whether or not people own a full length mirror.

I know it is a trivial thing and would probably result in an eyeroll or two if I told someone this in public but it is an honest question. I know I do wear some things at times that aren't quite right be it color matching, size or fit. The thing is I see people do this all the time and wonder why. Do they not care? Are they denying the fact that they have gained weight/lost weight? Can they not afford to buy something else? As mentioned, do they not have a good lighting or a good mirror? Do they think they look good and therefore wear it just because they can? Is there something going on inside their head that no one knows but them?

I've been the person not caring and thrown on something to run to the grocery store. I've lived in pjs for a weekend because I was sick or incredibly emotionally exhausted about something.

I've denied the fact that I've put on weight (even if it was a whopping 8lbs) and my clothes don't fit as well. If it didn't fit right it got shoved back into the closet for "later" and later got put on hold until after I bought a new pair of jeans.

I've denied the fact that I've lost weight (even if it was a whopping 3lbs) yet increased my muscle mass and so I now own some droopy butt pants. I just hiked them up and put on a belt as long as I didn't look Urkle-ish.

I've been in situations before when extras need to get cut to save money. Then I wear what I already own and make purchases for what I only specifically need in terms of extras.

I've dealt with bad lighting and bad mirrors and walked around with crazy and/or uneven eyebrows or not-quite right color combos.

I've worn some things that I thought looked GREAT as well as some hairstyles. Some were fashion (gotta love late 80s and 90s) some were my "own" fashion ideas.

I've had some struggles about myself in terms of body image. Growing up I was naturally thin and had to deal with the onslaught things like bird leg references, comments of not being fed enough/don't you eat, and even having eating disorder terms thrown at me in terms of taunting and jokes. (The latter most even to this day infuriates me the most esp since there are so many people struggling with that and it is NO joke.) While thin-based teasing is often brushed away since teasing someone about being fat is much worse in people's opinions, to a kid growing up it is still mean.

I don't think I will ever fully understand why people will deliberately choose to wear something stretched to capacity or so over sized that they will need to hold up their clothes. I can't tell people to buy something in a bigger size or hand out belts because then I'd be the inconsiderate one.

What do you think?

Goodbye silly man

Tonight was pretty surreal and not in a good way. I found out one of the first friends I made in college died recently. We had since grown apart but not due to negative reasons. Just life moving along and after undergrad plans guiding us in different reactions.

The last time I had seen him was totally by chance maybe 5 or so years ago. I was on a L train. He saw me, literally jumped into the train and rode with me to a different stop so we could catch up. Then he got off my train and back to his actual line which was the opposite direction.

One of my closest friends had seen him over the summer. She was the one I called immediately after hearing the news. My shocked tone was mimicked by hers. She had wake info but I'm not going since for the most part I hate wakes.

I'd rather remember him as I did years ago with a silly grin on his face.

Just all do me a favor: Hug your loved ones tonight.

Bwwwwreeeetchchchchchchchch and the leaves go flying!

My original plan for this morning was either take a walk, go for a run, or try some sort of video based workout. Then when I woke up that all flew out the window. I got up, watched the birds in the backyard fountain (yes, a ity bity little waterfall fountain) with Frankie for a bit, and then had this magic burst of energy. It screamed YARDWORRRRK! in that TV commercial mom having a revelation about some sort of house/school/misc life task. True, there was no echo resonating from my voice and it was way too early for a close up! EEK!

Breakfast took a bit more time than planned since the red onions and mushrooms decided that they wanted to try out for the circus and the place flipped off the counter. Maybe it thought it was buttered toast too since it landed face down. Rechopp, fried up the last of the egg substitute mix and it was time to eat. I wasn't as hungry by then so I ate half, downed most of the coffee w the caramel macchiatto creamer (YUM!), and changed for yard work.

I am not the best at yardwork, gardening and whatnot but I have grand plans and hopes that someday I will have a decently green thumb. When the mood strikes to get out there, I do but at other times I just stare at it as it mocks me. Cutting the bushes, while technically isn't a big deal, visually makes a difference. We have one of those HedgeHog trimmers which I love. It isn't too too heavy for me to move around yet I can always feel it in my arms later that day and the next day. I think it is from getting too into the moment and terrorizing the branches. I didn't do any maniacal laughing but it would have been fitting. The neighbor who was also working outside though probably would think I am kookier than he may already.

I had a lazy lunch of Scoops and salsa and ended up with a stomach ache was my fault since a more substantial meal would have been a better option. The plan was to no go to the grocery store hungry but due to the tummy troubles, I have yet to go. This particular store doesn't close 'til 8 so that works and we don't need a ton of things right now. The definite things on the list are beans, cajun rice mix and some frozen fruit since I haven't had a smoothie in ages.

waahhhh choo!

I've managed to catch one of the inbetween season headcolds which I am not thrilled about since it is zapping me of extra energy. I've decided it is best to rest more and try to not worry about misc things that vary from the length of time I can wait to plant my mums to the incoming dread of when the gas bill kicks up. (We don't keep it turned waaaaay up but it's enough to throw our budget for a loop. Perhaps this will be the year to go on the budget plan that the company offers.)

I haven't run since I was worn out and am a bit behind. Not really discouraged but not thrilled. Power walking can only do so much. I'm going to wait it out and take care of this cold and head back out. Even if it's a face paced walk for a half hour I know it will help.

One thing recently that did get my heart rate up was a present left by one of the cats. It may have been both of them but luckily I will never know. I was greeted one morning but a dead mouse on the stairs. EWWWW GROOSSSSSS YUCK! Now I guess this is a cat thing and my MIL and the BFF seemed less grossed out. Safe to say I have at least one mouser between the two. I really hope they never catch one again especially since this was the first time ever.

On a more pleasant note, tonight is a knockoff of the cajun shrimp and chicken pasta from TGI Fridays. I still enjoy getting it out but it is really fun to make. We are just having it with the shrimp this time but in the past it worked out exceptionally well with both. Alfredo sauce mixed with cajun seasonings, red pepper flakes, and at times red bell peppers makes it pretty close.

You know what I mean....

I first watched Six Feet Under from a rented DVD. The music intrigued me so much that I picked up both soundtracks without hearing that much of them. I ended up buying the entire series - the boxed set w the astroturf and the tiny little tombstone up top - not too long afterwards. I still need to finish the series. There's an idea for when we cancel cable. One thing I truly enjoy about the soundtracks is the majority of the songs resonate extremely well, sometimes more than others but overall more times than not.

I used to keep my hoop in one of the guest room until I realized keeping it tucked away behind the small-ish sofa in our "office" downstairs was a better idea. Now if a specific song moves me to grab it or if there is a commercial break while I'm watching something on tv that is not recorded, it is RIGHT there.

I had numerous hoola hoops as a kid. I've always been good at it and enjoyed hooping. As a kid I still remember hooping on my front lawn during my town's neighborhood festival. People walked down to the park, realized it was too highly priced for their liking and walked back. They asked if I had stopped and I hadn't. Once I got in the groove it was easy.

Not that long ago I took a hoop dance class. It was more dance than workout which I think may have bothered some people. I like it since it was my third class for the week. There is a beautiful fluidity when you watch someone who seriously knows what they are doing. My instructor was very talented yet willing to explain that it is still easy to mess up even the basic moves. I did learn a bunch but I also whapped myself in the head quite a few times or launched my hoop across the room.

I'm done taking classes for awhile now. The money spent on that is being used elsewhere for awhile but the skills I learned I can keep up with and grow from there. Plus even just basic hooping is a good workout when that is the aspect I am looking for at the moment.

At the moment though it was time to step away from the hoop and try to wind down. I got in a fast past reorganizing mode earlier. It was a cross between needing an estimate of what yarn colors I still have as well as watching Hoarders, which in general makes me want to straighten up. I ended up throwing out a bag of stuff we didn't need, repacked a good amount of my yarn more so by type, and found about 5 cat "toys." They aren't all store bought ones since they both go bonkers over the rings below the cap on a gallon of milk. It works better than them being underfoot, hiding in the closet, or terrorizing my yarn.

Picked a non-pickled pepper...

I've gotten spoiled having a garden again this year. Maybe spoiled isn't the best word but being able to open the patio door, take a few barefooted steps on my patio and pick a fresh green bell pepper makes me feel like it.

I made a red onion, pepper, and egg scramble. We tried the Fit & Active egg substitute this week. It seems pretty similar to Egg Beaters yet significantly cheaper. There is only one flavor which is fine because I'll add spices to my eggs from time to time. I've never baked with anything but an actual egg so this will be interesting.

If we hadn't bought cookies this week, I probably would be baking now. It's raining and semi-gloomy. I found some variations of the Small Batch Baking recipes that I want to try. While we both love home baked goodies, we don't end up eating a full batch of whatever I make. This way if I want to make a full batch and give some away I can but also make just enough for the two of us.

Momma said knock you out

Tonight's agenda:

Design work and dance like a goofball to 90s dance music.